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aleighb
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Name: Amanda
Metro:
Birthday: 2/27/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: "Brothers and sisters, think about the things that are good and worthy of praise. Think about the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respecte. Do what you learned and received from me, what I told you , and what you saw me do. And the God who gives peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8
Expertise: Being a crazy polish girl, spontaneity, loving God, being a recipient of His grace, listening to music, going to concerts, enjoying life, loving people, sleeping, wearing the same pair of pants for at least a month, collaging, making people laugh, being messy...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  pinkstars22787
MSN: pinkstars22787
ICQ:  43363183
Yahoo:  punkguitarstarchik87
Member Since:
6/15/2004
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| Xanga world, I miss you! It's been quite a while since I've written in you, but by God's grace I will revamp you however slowly. Denver is treating me well. This internship is going fantasticly. I'm going out tonight. I am excited. It's Steff's birthday and I am ready to help her celebrate it :] Haha, it will be a good day, I am sure of it. I am getting giddy the more I think about it. I need to check my balances quickly, make sure I don't spend too much money. It's easy to spend money I have found. We are going to go to Mongolian BBQ and for that I am ECSTATIC! Mmmmm, I haven't been there since MY 21st birthday. My birthday is coming up soon. I am also excited for that! it will be good times in a good city. I don't think a lot of people know that my birthday is coming up - it's one of those things I like to keep a little on the quiet side, though I'm not sure if it's because I want people to remember it on their own or because I don't really fancy all of the attention. Perhaps it's both ;) I'm excited though, I think it will be good. I just need to decide what I'm going to do. I will have a plethura of money coming in soon. I have a pay check coming in soon, and taxes mostly, which is what is going to keep me for a long time. I also might have loan money comign in, though I'm not entirely sure if that is going to be the case yet. If it were, I wouldn't mind. I would pay off the majority of my credit cards. Keep one active (the 300 credit limit one) :) I need to set a budget and keep to it. It's SO hard, though!! Anyway, I'm gonna head out to get Candace soon, look for a picture post for sure! Blessings | | |
| Why is it that, either at night or when we are tired that we think the most? I have never quite understood that. Here I am again tonight with a lot on my mind yet I am never able to get it all out, onto paper where my thoughts can be read. I can do it every now and then, but mostly I am terrible at finding the right words to say during the right time.
I keep thinking about how quickly summer is passing me by! Here it is, the 4th of July and I have less than 2 months before school starts up again, a month and a half of summer has already left my side and truthfully I do not have much to show for it. Granted, I have been at camp playing the part of the counselor and I love it, do not get me wrong, but by being there I have not been able to do other things, with the friends that I don't have of course, but that is not the point. The point, oh, what is the point? That I am not completely sure of but I just feel that I have been missing out on something; I am not whole inside. My gut tells me that I need to draw nearer to the Lord, and I know that this is what I need to do, but it is very difficult, or at least I am making it difficult.
There is a drive within my heart that is making my comfortable life very difficult to live. I want to stretch boundaries, to live a life that is outside of my comfort zone that I have created around this life I live. But I find that because of what I have grown into, this existence that I have made for myself. It is no existence at all. It's a life but I'm not living and yet that is what I long for the most - to live a life that is worthy and becoming. Ineed to get out of this small town, I need to get away from this house that I live in with this mother that I have the most difficult time relating to and who I have come to dislike with every nerve ending inside of my body. This is where my discomfort lies, in this farce of a life that I live with a mother I do not get along with. Everytime I come home I long to be somewhere else. And I have tried and tried so many times to get over this something that has dwelt within me that makes me loathe who my mother is and what she stands for. I come home and my attitude goes from good to worse, everything that she says, from what it is to how she says it to her tone grates on my quickly fading last nerve. I fear that it has become a neverending battle that is quickly destroying any hopes of a relationship with her.
Here it is midnight and I still have so much inside of my heart that I need to share, but I also need sleep regardless of the fact that I have spent 5.30-6.00 hours of my day in sleeping between 3.30 and 10.00; I guess you don't know how much you need sleep until you get a day to relax and you just want to sleep. Camp is kicking my butt, I think. I do get to go to Binder Park Zoo next week and spend the night in the African Safari area. I am very exicted for that and did I mention I get to do it twice??? I am absolutely excited and I need to remember my digital camera to take some sweet pictures.
Speaking of camera, fireworks in South Haven are tomorrow, that is an exciting time as well, as I do enjoy fireworks.
Alright, well I am becoming increasingly tired and I would like to watch a movie so I will be heading out and biding my time until we meet again.
misses and kisses
be blessed
Ama | | |
| Good night kiddies! How do you do this day?
Tomorrow is the 4th of July, America's independence day. A day celebrated by fireworks, parades, and all around fun. Tomorrow I will be joining my Church's float and walking beside it in the South Haven parade. Truthfully, I still do not know how I feel about this "new" church that I have been attending for nearly two years. My heart is very torn. There are many things that I miss about my old church, family life. Mostly I guess I miss the tightknittedness that we had, and perhaps I just do not "feel" the knittedness because I was away from this new church as the transition between old and new was made mostly when I was away at college and so it would make sense that I did not grow into the church, but rather grew around it.
See, this is my conundrum - my difficult riddle of sorts - I can not tell if my uneasyness and sometimes sadness is a result of the Lord telling me that I am not in the right place, or if rather it is Satan trying to trick me into leaving. See one of my biggest faults is that I am a people person, and I become attached rather easily, i suppose. So, after becoming so attached to Family Life and having it, and not so far from the truth, being ripped out of my hands and everything good that I had known be turned upside down, the people I came to love leaving me, etc. I feel that I have become bitter towards PT and the way that things within the church were done.
Also, I think that sometimes I know the answer - that I need to leave - when I think about the fact that out of everyone who went to our church, at least 30/35 or so that Ana and I are the only original members left. Does this tell me something? Oye, I get worked up even thinking about it, and my stomach starts to not feel so good because I am so confused. I just don't know what to do.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this, I could really use some clarification, and also if you could pray for me about this - I am definitely in need of some guidance. Holy moly am I ever.
Thank you, and I'm sorry to bore you with this, truly, but I just need some help.
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| Hullo, my very beautiful friends! How do you do today? I, myself am doing quite well, minus the one sad fact of my week being that my beloved Beau had to be put down because his hips went out on him. I am going to miss him ever so much, though. But he was quite old, he was probably 12 or so. Oh, I also forgot to mention that Indy, my Bouvier, also died this week past, one day we noticed he was spitting up blood, and then he walked away, and never came back. That is kind of interesting to me that, in just about one week, both of the dogs that we have had for about the same length of time, are now gone; interesting indeed.
Hmmm, what else has been going on... Well, I started camp three weeks ago, on the 3rd of June and I have been LOVING it, of course. This past week was the craziest at camp that I have ever had. I am not really at liberty to talk about the things that went on, but it was very interesting, and by interesting I do not necessarily mean "good" interesting. But also not totally "bad" interesting.
"And show me everything youve got I know you're scared but let your walls just drop you gotta take that step and your heart just let it pour out. And show me everything you've got, I know you're scared but its time for you to stop, you gotta take that step and your heart just let it make sound. So hey, just let it pour out, and don't let your past begin to let you down. Just sing it out, just let it make sound, and as it will hurt it will be healed and found...'Cus it's normal that emotional pasts can spawn emotionless dads, mothers, and nations flags, so just show your face, no don't be afraid, no don't be afraid to show your face... After all these things I've learned, bad things I do and don't deserve, can easily just shape my life, or shape the way I start to die...No! 'Cus it's up to me if I'll dwell much longer than I should, and I'll hold my tears for years thinking it's doing me good, so just start right now, just make a vow, you'll let your heart just sing it out, sing it out!"
Show me Everything You've Got::::The Rocket Summer
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| So, remember how I said I would not let Xanga die? Well, I basically have been letting it go. I try not to, but this writing things down gets so hard to do with the hub-bub of a daily schedule it sometimes just gets to be a smidge overwhelming. Well, not really, I reckon I just get a little bit lazy. I would actually like to take a nap right now, but I will not because i have food on the way here from Taco Bell.
I really have nothing worthwhile to say right now.
.end transmission.
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